In
Buddhism, we are taught to avoid and eventually abandon negative states of
mind, such as the three poisons, and encouraged to cultivate positive ones,
such as the four immeasurables, which are: Kind-heartedness, Compassion,
Open-Hearted Joy, and Equanimity. These immeasurables are basically four
individual meditation practices.
Traditionally,
they are taught in the order I mentioned above. However, I believe the fourth
one should come first, because if we have equanimity the other three will
naturally fall into place. Buddhism states that equanimity is not only a very
deep state of mental balance and stability, but also
as an interconnectedness with everyone.
So, let’s
start by looking at equanimity. Our lives are full of ups and downs. If we can
face the downs as well as the ups, we will be able to cultivate an open and
calm mind. We all know that it’s easy to face the ups, but not so easy to come
to terms with the downs; but if we don’t, all we are doing is adding to our
suffering.
When we look at the world, we can clearly
see how hard it is to attain a balanced mind, as we are continuously in a flux
of rises and falls. These lift us up one moment and fling us down the next.
This is true for everyone; we are all the same. So, if that is the case, why do
we discriminate against others? We are all in the same boat, all trying our
best to ride the same waves of life.
So,
equanimity is where we do not distinguish between our friends, the people we
dislike or strangers, but regard everyone as equal. This is not easy because
when we are not being aware of what is happening in the present moment we get
tossed around by our prejudices and emotions. We need to have a complete
openness to our experiences, without being carried away with reactions such as ‘I
like this’ and ‘dislike that’ or ‘I love you’ and ‘I detest you.’ A balanced
mind will mean we are not going to be disturbed by the eight worldly conditions,
as I mentioned in the previous blog.
What we
are trying to do here is remove the boundaries between ourselves and others by
discarding our discriminations. What we are not doing is becoming detached or
feeling indifferent to others. This is a common misunderstanding of what is
meant by equanimity in the four immeasurables.
We have to
look upon others as our equals and see that they have their ups and downs just
like us. If we can do this, equanimity will be able to grow.
The
following mediation practice will help you see everyone as equal.
Equanimity
meditation
In
Buddhism, equanimity means a very deep, even profound, state of mental balance
and stability.
The
cause of much of our upset and emotional instability is clinging neediness to people
we like, and aversion and negativity towards people we don’t like. We also have
an unhealthy indifference to strangers, who may need our help.
In this meditation, we learn to examine our feelings towards people and correct
them where they are mistaken. This leads to a more balanced, wholesome, and
helpful viewpoint. It also cuts off a lot of emotional turmoil at its root.
We are
going to meditate on three types of people (a loved one, one we dislike, and a
neutral person). We are going to examine and correct our feelings toward them.
Sit
comfortably and lightly close your eyes. Start by watching your breath.
To begin with, focus on a friend and look into all the reasons you like this
person.
Try to
see if any of the reasons are about things this person does for you, or ways
they uplift your ego.
Ask
yourself if these are really the correct reasons to like someone.
Now do
the same thing with the person you are having difficulties with. Look to see if
you can find things you like about them.
Notice
where your ego is involved in your judgment of this person.
Finally,
do this for the person you are indifferent towards, asking about the reasons
for your indifference.
Again,
notice where your ego is involved in the judgment of this person.
Next, ask yourself whether you consider each of these relationships as
permanent.
Would
you still like your friend if they did something terrible to you?
What if
the person you dislike really did something nice for you?
What if
the stranger became close to you?
Think
about all the relationships in the past in which your feelings about the person
have dramatically changed.
Now, visualize the person you like doing something you dislike or that is
unacceptable to you. Would you still be their friend?
Remember
that many people have changed from friends to enemies in the past. There are
people who you used to like, toward whom you now dislike.
Think
about how there is no special reason to feel good about a person who is only
temporary part of your life.
Next, visualize the person you are having difficulties with doing something
very kind for you. They might visit you in the hospital or help support you
when you are in trouble. When you imagine this, can you feel positive emotions
toward this person?
Can you
remember times in the past when someone you disliked became a friend?
Is it
necessary to feel that your strong dislike for this person will last forever?
Isn’t it possible that they could someday become your friend?
Now visualize the stranger. How would you feel about them if they did something
very kind for you?
Isn’t
it the case that all your current friends were at one-point total strangers?
Isn’t
it possible that a stranger could become your best friend?
Think carefully about how everyone deserves to be treated equally as human
beings.
It is
very likely that your emotions around a person will change many times, so why
hold onto these emotions so rigidly?
This meditation is a formal practice and what I want to do now is introduce a practice you can use while you go about your daily lives. When you feel your prejudices coming to the surface, have a set phrase to mentally repeat to yourself, something like, ‘They are no different than me. They, like me, are subject to the ups and downs of life. We are all equal’. It is better for you to have your own phrase as it will resonate with you. By mentally repeating your set phrase you will stop your discriminations in their track. After a while you will naturally see all as equal, but that is going to take time. So, for now, use your set phrase and the formal meditation.
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Nobody’s life
is perfect, we all have good and bad days. This is part and parcel of our worldly
concerns. Sometimes the world is like a rose, all beautiful and fragrant. Other
times, it is like the stem of the rose, all thorny and prickly.
An optimist
will see the world as rosy, whereas a pessimist sees it as thorny. But
realistically, the world is both rosy and thorny. A person who understands this
point will not be seduced by the rose or become averse to the thorns.
Buddha taught
that there are eight worldly concerns and if we are a realist we will
understand that the pendulum swings both ways, sometimes they will be under the
sway of the four concerns we believe to be desirable and sometimes the four concerns
we think of as undesirable.
We have to accept that these eight worldly concerns are part of this human life. So, what are the eight worldly concerns? The ones we call desirable are gain, status, praise and pleasure. The four we call undesirables being loss, insignificance, blame and pain. It doesn’t matter if we see them as desirable or undesirable, they are all ultimately causes of our suffering.
We are all
subject to gain and loss, not only of material things, such as our possessions,
but also of our friends and family. We may go out a buy a new phone and it
makes us very happy, until one day it is stolen, we then become sad – gain and
loss. You may have, in the past, met a wonderful person who you get on really
well with, but recently they died – gain and loss. If you are a businessman,
you suffer from gain and loss on a regular basis. These are some examples of
what we are subject to in our lives. I am sure you could think of hundreds
more.
Reflection
Before you move on, do this reflection practice.
It is easy to see the suffering in loss but not so easy in gain.
Reflect on a time you gained something you wanted, but now you no longer have
it. Think of how you felt when you gained it, and then think of how you felt
when you lost it.
Status and insignificance
are another two worldly concerns that confront us in the course of our daily
lives. Status comes in various forms, such as celebrities and politicians, or
you may be highly regarded within your profession, or even a well-respected
Buddhist teacher. Whatever the status, you can become attach to your public
image and the prestige that goes with it. Even if we do not want to be famous,
we still like to be looked upon in the best possible light. I am sure, if we
are honest, we all like a bit of status, because who wants to feel unimportant
or overlooked?
I expect we
have all dreamt of our fifteen minutes of fame and we only need to look at
reality TV to see that is true. Some people are world superstars and others are
just well known in their own backyards, but whatever your status, it is
important to see it as a fleeting thing. Very few people stay famous all of
their lives, for most it is only a few years. So, to hold on to fame as though
it is something tangible is going to bring you suffering.
Remember,
status is just someone’s perspective. You may feel a person is very highly
regarded, but for me, I have never even heard of them. So, to cling onto the
notion of being famous is a fool’s game. Once we have reached the top, there is
only one way to go.
Reflection
Reflect on your status, is it just a projection or is it
something solid and permanent. I am sure you will see that it is a projection
and nothing tangible, so by holding onto it you are cause yourself emotional
and psychological suffering.
The next two
pairs of worldly concerns are praise and blame. We all like to be told, ‘Well
done!’ when we do something right. It makes us feel happy and gives us a sense
of pride. Praise is like some sort of a drug we quiet happily get addicted to.
Whereas, no one enjoys being blamed, even if they have done something wrong.
If we are able
to face blame in an impassive way and remain calm even though people are saying
some hurtful things about us, then we are dealing with this worldly condition
in a constructive way. If we give very little regard to whether we are held in
high esteem or thought of as a person of no influence, then we can be said to
be rising above worldly attachments.
If we are able to keep our composure when we lose out, or are glorified as being a very special, talented person, this will help reduce any pride, jealousy or emotional hurt, even though it is not always that easy.
It is human
nature to soak up praise and push away blame. We are all desperately searching
for happiness and running away from suffering. I know when someone says
something nice about me, I feel happy and proud, but if I am blamed, I can
become all defensive and hurt.
Reflection
Reflect on these two states of mind and try to understand them
as one of the same: impermanent and fleeting. This will help you stop getting
attached to praise and running away from blame.
The final pair
are pleasure and pain. This is where we are the same as animals; we chase after
pleasure and run away from pain. I personally do not know anyone who prefers
sorrow to laughter, or harm to happiness. This is just the way we are. It is
like a bond that ties us all together.
Watching
pleasure and pain arising in the mind and remaining open to them, without
attaching to or rejecting them, enables us to let the concerns be, even in the
most emotionally charged circumstances.
It is clear
pleasure is what we aim for in life and not pain. But they are both things that
come into being for a short time and then disappear. So, in that respect they
are no different. Buddha’s advice is to not welcome them or rebel against them,
just let them come and go. Allow the pleasure to arise and enjoy it while it is
there but know it won’t last. The same for pain, you may be hurting now but it
won’t last, so don’t get all emotionally tangled up in it.
Reflection
Think about how you chase after pleasure and turn away from
pain. See that one can quite easily turn into the other. One minute we are
happy the next we are sad, and vice versa. This will help you see the transient
nature of them both and allow you to let then simply rise and fall away.
When we start
seeing the eight worldly concerns for what they are, impermanent and fleeting, and
watching the mind’s reaction to them, we will be able to prevent them from
causing us to suffer. This is not just a meditation practice; we have to take
it into our day-to-day lives. We need to understand that life is full of gain,
loss, status, obscurity, blame, praise, pleasure and pain.
Someone is
always going to profit and someone else will lose out; for every famous person,
there are hundreds of others who are unknown; if one person is blamed, another
will be praised; and what gives one person pleasure, will give another pain.
This is the way of the world. It doesn’t matter if you are skilled in Buddha’s
teachings or not. You will still be subject to the eight worldly concerns. It
is how you deal with these concerns that differentiates you from others.
So, don’t see these worldly concerns as desirable or undesirable, see them as things that come and go, that are part and parcel of life. Don’t get attached to them or push them away, allow then to simple appear and then disappear.
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Mindfulness
is traditionally based on the four foundations and that is what I want to
address here, but before I do that, I want to discuss an issue I have with the
modern mindfulness movement. To be more specific, their definition of
mindfulness. People who know me will tell you that I am not a traditionalist
and my issue is not about secularism versus traditionalism, it is solely about
their interpretation.
Mindfulness
cannot be summed up in a single statement, it is too vast for that, yet that is
what has happened. Their definition is:
Mindfulness is an awareness of what
is happening in the present moment, brought about by purposefully paying
attention in a non-judgemental way.
Mindfulness
was never meant to be a standalone practice. It was part of the three basics of
the path, namely ethics, awareness and wisdom. The above definition only covers
one of these basics of the path; awareness. A thief breaking into your house, a
solider on the battlefield about to kill someone and a person putting poison
into someone’s food are all examples of being aware of what is happening in the
present moment. All of them lack ethics and wisdom.
My
next gripe concerns the part that reads, ‘Paying attention in a non-judgemental
way.’ I wonder if that is even possible and I certainly think it is not
beneficial. We make judgement calls all the time, from what we wear, what we
eat, the job we do and so on. It is impossible to live without some form of
judgement.
If
I am harming someone and I bring myself back into the present moment and I
don’t judge what I am doing, how am I going to change my behaviour?
If
mindfulness is going to be affective it needs to cover all three aspects of the
basics of the path and that is why I have devised a practice called AWARE. I
feel this can be a bridge between traditional and secular mindfulness.
You
bring yourself into the present moment by using a breathing exercise, focusing
on your senses or bringing your awareness back to your body. Once you are in
the here and now, you can start the AWARE practice.
AWARE
stands for Attention, Why, Assess, Reality, Examine
A –
bring your clear attention to what you are doing. Are you on autopilot? Are you
being led by unconscious habits, behaviour or biases? This covers the awareness
aspect of the three basics of the path.
W –
ask yourself, ‘Why am I doing it. What is my motivation, what is my intention?’
This covers the wisdom aspect.
A –
assess if your behaviour is beneficial. Is it ethical, is it helping me to be
the person I want to be? Is it compassionate or hurtful to myself and others?
This covers the ethics aspect.
R –
is it based in reality? Or am I generalising, catastrophising or letting my
imagination run wild? This covers the wisdom aspect.
E –
examine a more mindful, beneficial and compassionate way to act. A way that is
based in fact and not fantasy. A way that helps support me and others. This
covers all three aspects.
I
personally believe by adopting the AWARE practice once you have brought
yourself back into the present moment, you will be able to make changes to your
behaviour, you will be able to change and grow. That, I feel, is the whole
purpose of mindfulness. So, now let’s look at the four foundations.
The four foundation practices of
mindfulness are of being aware of our bodies, of our feelings, of our minds and
of our mental states.
The purpose of these practices is to
get to know ourselves better. It will help us understand what is working for us
and what isn’t. This will allow us to change more effectively and positively.
Awareness of
body
The first practice is for the body.
We need to be aware of our body and all the actions carried out by it. But we do not need to see it as
‘my’ body. If we think of it as ‘my’ body, it could lead to attachment
and give us a false sense of identity. Reflect on the time and effort we spend
on this body just to look good. Imagine how much money is spent each year on
plastic surgery and beauty products. It would appear we are completely obsessed
with our bodies. We might be mindful of how the body looks but very rarely
spend time on observing the actions it carries out.
There are many ways of contemplating
the body, but a simple and effective one is doing a full body scan. You can
find guided body scan meditations on my website.
In today’s world, we always seem to
be running from pillar to post, so this meditation will help you get back in
tune with the body and calm your mind at the same time. I am sure you will be
surprised at how much tension you are carrying around with you and what
different sensations you have in various parts of the body.
The full body scan is one of my
favourite practices and I am always surprised at the sensations I am carrying
around. Over the years I have noticed certain sensations correspond to
different emotions and experiences. When I was young, I started to have asthma
and I noticed that 10 to 15 minutes before an attack I would start to get an
itching sensation under my chin. This gave me ample time to take my tablet and
prevent the attack from taking hold. Many sensations in the body are there for
a reason, but unfortunately, we have lost the art of reading our bodies and
rely too much on our minds. This application of mindful awareness will bring
you back in touch with your body.
As we become more in touch with our
bodies you may ask how can we integrate this awareness into our daily practice?
Whatever you do with the body affects you and those around you. So, this is
where a daily reflective practice will help you. Look back on the day and see
what actions you have carried out with the body. The ones that are conducive to
responsible living should be noted. This will ensure that, through repetition,
they can become spontaneous. The ones that are not conducive to living
responsibly should also be noted and a clear effort should be made to refrain
from doing them again. It is through staying mindful of our bodily actions that
we will be able to live responsibly.
Awareness of
feelings
Another application for mindful
awareness is feelings. Now, I am not talking about emotions here, many people
get the two mixed up. Emotions are mental states whereas feelings arise when
our senses coming into contact with something. There are three types of
feelings, namely pleasant, unpleasant and neutral. One of these three are
present during every moment of our experience. They may be strong or weak, but
they are always present.
Here are some examples of how
feelings occur. You may be walking down the street and you pass a good-looking
person; this brings up pleasant feelings. As you walk further, a dog barks at
you and unpleasant feelings arise. A bit later, you walk past a group of people
you do not know, none of them are of interest to you, so you have a neutral
feeling.
If we are not mindful and leave our
feelings unchecked, pleasant feelings can lead to clinging desires, painful
feelings to hatred and neutral feelings to apathy. When paying attention to feelings, the important
thing is simply to notice them, become aware of them, without either clinging
to them or pushing them away.
Here are two ways we can mindfully
get in touch with our feelings. Firstly, during meditation, after you have
spent some time watching your breath, notice what comes into your mind and
observe what feeling is attached to that experience. Don’t try to change or
judge the feeling, just become aware of it and then let it go on its way. Then
do the same with the next object that comes into your mind. You can do this for
as long as you like and then return back to your breathing awareness. This practice helps you notice how
you feel and what’s going on with you. It also helps you to understand that a
feeling is present in every experience you have.
As with your awareness of your body
you can also review your feelings during your daily reflective practice. When
you think of an incident that happened that day, check to see what feelings it
invoked in you. Did it bring up pleasant, painful or neutral feelings? Don’t
try to control the feelings, just be mindful of them.
Being watchful of our feelings helps
us see what desires we are chasing when a pleasant feeling is present and what
is being invoked by our unpleasant feelings. We can also learn to simply
observe an experience, without getting all tangled up in it. This will help us
to form neutral responses, instead of getting attached to pleasant feelings or
repelled by unpleasant feelings.
Awareness of
mind
The next area of focus is on our
minds. We can apply mindful awareness to explore deep into our minds. If I am
honest, this was always the most difficult for me to get my head around. How
can the mind look at itself? The answer that came to me is that we look at the
mind as though we are looking in a mirror. When we talk about the mind we tend to think of it as a
single thing, but it is actually a sequence of instances that arise from moment
to moment in response to the perceptions coming to us from the six senses –
things we see, hear, smell, taste, and touch and from internal mental states.
The mind is a process and cannot exist alone. So, when we look at the mind, we
are actually looking at the processing going on in the brain.
We rarely stop and spend time
observing our minds. We just let thoughts, hopes, fears and dreams come and go
unchecked. But our minds, if left unrestrained, can lead us into all kinds of
situations. So, we practice simply observing our minds. We do not engage with
what we see – we just allow it to arise and go. I understand that this is
easier said than done, but with practice, patience and effort, it is
achievable.
During your meditation or a daily
reflective practice, observe your mind and see what state it is in: is it
tired, lazy, angry, happy or disturbed? Note the state, but don’t try to change
it. Ask yourself, “How is my mind at the moment?” “Is it full of desire, full
of anger, or full of ignorance. Is it present in the moment or distracted?” We
need to look at our mind in this way, and just see it as it is, not pass any
judgement or think of it as ‘my mind’.
You can also focus your awareness on the way each thought arises,
remains and then moves away. This helps us to stop blindly following one
thought after another. We gain insight and understand that we are not our
thoughts and we do not need to chase after each and every one. In fact, we
cannot find any part of our mind to identify with, it is just a constantly
changing process.
Once you have learned how to
dispassionately watch your mind, whenever your mind is disturbed, you should
firstly examine it and then, with calmness, act in a proper way – a way that is
not going to harm yourself or others. Developing awareness of the mind will
help us lead a life where we are not becoming disturbed or disturbing others. We come to know the mind as it
really is – a process.
Awareness of mental states
The final application of mindfulness
is concerning mental states. A mental state is an awareness of objects that
come in contact with our senses, which occur on a moment to moment basis. As we
bring awareness to these moments of consciousness, we begin to strengthen our
ability to take mindfulness into our daily lives.
There are pleasurable mental states,
such as happiness, compassion, empathy, contentment, and painful mental states,
such as greed, apathy, anger, selfishness and so on.
We are not looking to oppose these
mental states, but just become aware of them, acknowledge them, learn from them
and let them go. There are several ways of letting the mental states go and
here are the ones that have worked for me.
You can change the painful into a pleasurable,
such as replacing greed with generosity or hatefulness with compassion.
Thinking of the consequences of the painful mindset can be another way of
letting go. If we understand that this mindset is leading us down a wrong path,
we should not follow it. We could for example bring to mind the insight that
all things that arise are impermanent, the painful mental factor is not going
to last, so just let it go. All of these practices are not easy, but they are
doable, it just takes effort.
Reflection
We should also look to reflect on
mental factors and here is a suggested practice.
Sit
comfortably and place your awareness on your breath.
When a
mental state arises, and it will, if it is strong enough to disrupt your focus
on the breath, rest your awareness in that new state, allowing yourself to be
aware of what the state is, such as joyful mind or angry mind, fearful mind or
contented mind, until it naturally subsides. If the mental state is strong,
notice what it feels like in the body. Is there tightness,
discomfort, pain? Where is it located?
Now look at
the consequences of this mental state. Will it lead to a sense of peace in your
life or lead to more difficulty?
If another
mental state arises and is strong enough to hold your attention, continue to
practice with it. If one doesn’t, then return to watching your breath until
your meditation session has finished.
This brings us to the end of the four foundations of mindfulness. If we are going to be mindful and live a responsible life, we have to be fully aware of, but not tangled up in, our bodies, our feelings, our minds and our mental states. By being mindful, we will be able to take full responsibility for all of our actions. This will ensure that our minds become calmer and we spend more time in the present moment, not being tossed backwards and forwards from past to future. Being mindful means being conscious of every thought, feeling, emotion and action. Repeatedly during the day, take a few moments to bring mindful awareness to your breath, body sensations, mind, feelings and mental states. Then use the AWARE practice as this is a good way of helping yourself to settle down into the present moment and to expand your formal meditation practices into your everyday life.
You can read more blogs, listen to podcasts, watch videos and practice guided meditations on the Buddhism Guide app. Available from the Apple Store and Google Play.
If you would like to become a supporter of Buddhism Guides work, such as podcasts, blogs, videos and guided meditation practices, please visithere. You can support for as little as $2 a month.
The
final aspect of the eightfold path is staying focused, which is achieved by
effort, mindfulness and concentration.
Effort
Without
applying effort, we are not going to reach any of the goals we set ourselves.
Here I wish to highlight the effort required to avoid harmful acts and develop
helpful ones.
These
are split into four parts, namely the effort to avoid, the effort to overcome,
the effort to develop and the effort to maintain.
This
is a list of the harmful acts we need to avoid and overcome.
Violence
Stealing
Sexual misconduct
Lying
Divisive speech
Harsh words
Gossiping
Greed
Ill-will
Inappropriate view
We
have to put in a great effort in order to avoid these ten harmful actions. This
is achieved by setting ourselves boundaries and ensuring we stay within them.
In my own case some of them came easy to me and others were fairly difficult,
but by putting in the effort and setting myself redlines, I manage to avoid
them for the most part. But none of us are perfect, so we shouldn’t be too hard
on ourselves.
The
next place we apply effortis to
overcome the harmful acts that have already arisen. This one is a little
trickier, particularly if they have already become a habit. The first thing I
suggest you do is to rate the above list of harmful actions from one to ten –
one being the act you do the most and ten being the one you do the least. Be
honest with yourself, even if it is painful, or there will be no point in doing
the exercise. Now, start with number one on your list and each day set an
intention to refrain from doing the act. This exercise will help keep it in the
forefront of your mind. If you do unwittingly perform a harmful deed, don’t get
frustrated, just reaffirm your intention. This is where mindful awareness comes
into its own because you are going to have to be vigilant of your actions.
Slowly work through the list until you feel confident that you have by and
large overcome them.
The
set of skilful acts we have to develop and maintain are the opposite of the
harmful acts.
Compassion
Generosity
Self-restraint
Truthfulness
Kind speech
Pleasant words
Helpful words
Contentment
Goodwill
Appropriate view
The
third effortis to develop skilful
acts that have not yet arisen. The perfect time to think about and cultivate
these helpful deeds is during your daily meditation or reflection session. If
you review each day which actions have been helpful, and which have been
harmful, you will see a pattern emerge. You will then be able to see what you
need to work on.
During
your reflection session, write down the ten helpful acts on a piece of paper.
Then grade them from one to ten – ten being the act that comes naturally to you
and one being the act that you have to cultivate. Those you grade from one to
five are the ones you should work on. At regular intervals, do the grading
again. Note your progress every time and recommit to developing the helpful
acts you need to work on.
The
final effortis to maintain the
helpful actions that have already arisen. This follows on from the previous
effort. There, you contemplated which helpful acts you need to work on. Now
focus on the ones that come naturally and need no great work. You should also
remain mindful of these helpful deeds, so they can become an even deeper habit.
It is no good lying sometimes and telling the truth at other times; stealing
sometimes and not stealing other times; getting totally drunk one day and then
saying you don’t drink another day; or being faithful sometimes and cheating on
your partner at other times. These helpful acts must become natural and
spontaneous. It needs a great amount of effort to keep these going, because if
you do not stay watchful, they can easily drift away from you. Perseverance and
vigilance are key here.
Mindfulness
Whether
we are on the eightfold path or not, we still should try to be mindful, and
maintain an awareness of where our actions are taking us. If we don’t, we are
not going to find the peace of mind we are searching for. So, let’s look at the
different aspects of the path I have laid out in the last three posts and
examine how we can approach them mindfully.
We
cannot just jump into our practices without first having an appropriate view.
Of course, cultivating positive experience is what our practices are all about,
but if we have no clear picture of where we are going and why, we can quite
easily flounder. We need to know what and why we are doing any practice and see
clearly how it will fit into our lives. We need to study and think to gain a
clear picture in our mind before we dive into our practice. A firm and stable
foundation is required. Mindfully setting our intentions for travelling on this
path and implementing a meditation practice is a wonderful way to become motivated.
It allows us to stay on track. It is therefore important to have well
thought-out intentions and stay mindful of them.
Mindless
speech can often divide people and make them feel disconnected. In contrast
mindful speech helps us heal rifts and make better connections with each other.
I feel that if we practice mindful listening, which is being totally engaged
with the other person and allowing them to finish their sentences, mindful
speech arises naturally, and we can enjoy genuine dialogue.
We
need to mindfully check in with ourselves during the day to ensure our actions,
physically, verbally and mentally, are not harmful to ourselves or others. This
strengthens our practice, so we maintain the goal of responsible living.
Usually
livelihood equates with survival – earning money so we can live. But when we
are being mindful of our work, we can see that it is also about contributing to
the common good. It is not just about money; it is also about giving back to
society. We have to be mindful of any harm we may be causing ourselves and
others.
Of
course, we need to put effort into whatever we are doing on the path to ensure
success, but there is such a thing as too much effort. We need to be mindful of
the amount of effort we are putting in. If the effort is causing tension, it is
too much. If the effort is not producing any results, it is not enough. Be
mindful of how much effort you are putting into the path and your
practices.
When
we are being mindful, we are fully aware of, but not tangled up in, the various
aspects of our experience – the emotional, the physical, the spiritual as well
as the social. Mindfulness covers our complete engagement with life.
I
will talk more about mindfulness in my next post.
Concentration
If we
wish for a mind that is at peace we need to learn how to focus single-mindedly
on an object of meditation. However, what I want to highlight here is a
particular type of one-pointedness. It is a wholesome type of concentration. A
killer about to murder his victim, a soldier on the battlefield or a burglar
about to break into your home all act with a concentrated mind, but they cannot
be classed as a wholesome one-pointedness.
Buddha
stated that
appropriate concentration
is dependent on the development of all the preceding seven steps of the
eightfold path:
‘Now what is appropriate
concentration with its supports and requisite conditions? Any singleness of
mind equipped with these seven factors, appropriate view, intention, speech,
action, livelihood, effort and mindfulness, is called appropriate concentration
with its supports and requisite conditions’.
While
concentrating on appropriate view, you have to stay focused on cause and
effect. Whatever intentional actions you do—be it with your body, speech or
mind—will create a reaction in the future. You have to be naturally aware of
this fact whenever you perform any intentional action. You also have to stay
focused on the impermanence of everything, or you may find yourself getting
attached to things, which in turn will cause you to suffer. We tend to have a
fixed and solid sense of self, which is not an accurate view. This again is
going to cause us suffering in the long run. I will talk more about these
points in future posts.
Next,
you should concentrate on appropriate intentions. Our intentions should be to
help and not harm ourselves and others. To achieve this, we have to remain
centred on what is motivating us. We have to ensure our mind isn’t being driven
by any of the three poisons or is clouded by ill will, because if it is, our
actions of body and speech will reflect that, and we will end up harming
someone. By reflecting on what motivates you, it will ensure you do not
intentionally cause harm.
Now
we come to concentration of appropriate speech. A lot of the time we open our
mouth before engaging the brain, and because we are not focused, what comes out
can be harmful, unkind and unhelpful. We lie, use divisive speech, use harsh
words and gossip with such ease, it is frightening. It is as if our mouth has a
life of its own. To counter this, we have to concentrate on our speech. Lying
is never going to help anyone. When we use divisive speech, we are not making
friends; we are just causing divisions between people. Using harsh words to someone’s
face is going to hurt them, and gossiping is a waste of time. So, we have to
have the appropriate level of concentration towards our speech, and then we
will learn to talk in a way that is both helpful and kind.
Concentration
of appropriate action is where we direct our attention towards the actions of
our body. This will ensure we refrain from killing, stealing, sexual misconduct
and other harmful actions of the body. Buddha advised his son, Rahula, to
reflect on any deeds he is thinking about carrying out in this way: Is the deed
going to cause harm to himself or others? If so, do not do it, as it is a bad
deed entailing suffering. However, if you reflect on the deed and it is going
to be helpful to yourself or others, or at the very least, not harmful, you
should do it again and again, as this is a good deed entailing happiness. Thus,
we must be sure we are fully in tune with our actions, so that we are aware of
when we are helping or harming.
This
brings us to concentration of appropriate livelihood. We have to ensure our
work does not bring harm to anybody. We may be doing a dangerous job and if we
do not concentrate on our actions, we may bring harm to someone.
Whatever
we are doing we have to be sure we put in the appropriate effort and appropriate
mindfulness. If we do not concentrate our effort on all of the steps in the
eightfold path, we could become lazy or distracted, and this could lead to us
harming someone or something. If we do not focus our mind on the present
moment, it may lead our thoughts to drift back to the past or jump forward to
the future. Neither of these are helpful. By concentrating on the present
moment our minds will be calm and our actions kind and helpful.
When
our mind is not focused it flaps around like a fish on dry land. It simply
cannot stay still and jumps from one idea to another, from one thought to
another, there is absolutely no control. Such a distracted mind is consumed by
worries and concerns about what has happened or may happen in the future. It
doesn’t see the whole picture and distorts reality.
But a
mind that has been trained in concentration can remain focused on its object
without any distractions. This allows the mind to become calm, clear and open.
This calm, openness can then be taken off the cushion and used in the outside
world. This will allow us to stay single-mindedly aware of all stages of this eightfold
path.
**********
Following the eightfold path is not easy because many of the things we have to change or let go of are very dear to us. We are passionate about them and have often invested an awful lot of time cultivating them. Letting these unhelpful things go can disturb us. Therefore, change takes diligence, discipline and mindful awareness. We have to understand each of the eight steps and then implement them. They have to become a part of our lives; only then will our minds be at ease and we will gradually reduce our emotional suffering and start to experience the true peace of mind we have been desperately searching for.
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The
second aspect of the eight-fold path is living responsibly. We can achieve this
by being mindful of our communication, actions and livelihood.
Communication
Appropriate
communication is a big part of this path and can help us live a more
responsible life. Traditionally, there are four different aspects of this, and
they are refraining from lying, divisive speech, using abusive words and
gossiping.
I am
sure the majority of us wish to live in a kind and compassionate place where
people communicate wisely and appropriately, contributing to a more harmonious
world. We can go some way in achieving this by being truthful, using words that
bring us together, being polite and talking meaningfully. These are skilful
ways for us to connect with each other.
Of
course, we shouldn’t fool ourselves and think that we can always be truthful,
polite and meaningful. There are going to be occasions where it makes sense to
stretch the truth, talk harshly and spend time in idle chatter.
Not telling the truth
once
we have lied to someone, we invariably have to tell another lie to cover the
first one, and then another, and another, until we have created a web of lies.
It truly harms someone when they realise they have been lied to, and it will
harm us when we are branded a liar.
Some
say they lied so as not to hurt the other person’s feelings, but have you
considered how they will feel when they find out you lied? Maybe the truth is
painful or difficult to say, but there are various ways of breaking it to
someone. You can tell them in a kind and sympathetic way. You can support them
once you have told them the truth. What you do not have to do is charge in like
a bull in a china shop. However, it is kinder in the long run to tell someone
the truth.
I get
very upset when I have been lied to, as most people do, and so I keep this fact
in mind when I am talking to others.
Divisive
speech
When
people use divisive speech they are hell-bent on causing a severance between a
person and a group of people. Divisive speech is never positive or productive.
It is used only to harm.
This
type of speech mainly stems from jealousy, pride or hatred. I have come across
it several times in the workplace. A colleague has been promoted and some
people are jealous, so they try to split the workforce. This is divisive
speech.
You
are jealous of your sibling, so you tell divisive stories to your parents in
the hope they will favour you over your sibling. This is divisive speech.
When
I lived in London, before I was a monk, I had a large group of friends who used
to meet at least once a week to have some fun. One of the group members
introduced to us a very attractive woman he had gone to school with. Several of
the guys took a fancy to her and started to flirt. Several women took a dislike
to her because of her beauty and bubbly personality. All of them started to be
divisive. It eventually split the group and we stopped meeting. This is
divisive speech and shows how destructive it can be.
These
are just a few examples, but what is clear is that we must refrain from this
type of speech because it will harm others and eventually harm ourselves. You
will get a reputation for being someone who is always trying to cause trouble,
and people will disassociate themselves from you.
Harsh
Words
These
are swear words, bad language or words that are said only to cause harm. They
are never useful or kind, and usually stem from anger or impatience.
If
someone upsets us we can lose control and say things we do not really mean. The
words are meant to hurt the other person, but usually, after we have calmed
down, we regret them and the words come back to hurt us also. We must stay
mindful of our speech and not allow this to happen.
Sometimes
we get impatient with people when they are not doing what we want, they are
doing it wrong or just differently, they are not being open and truthful or
they are not doing anything and it is just us who is irritable. At these times
we tend to get angry and start saying harsh words. Obviously, the way around
this is to be more patient and have respect for other people’s viewpoints and
feelings.
Every
time you raise your voice or say harsh words, you have lost the argument. When
your voice goes up, your credibility comes down.
Gossiping
Gossip
stems from jealousy, hatred, aversion, ignorance or just having nothing better
to do with your time. It is very destructive, cruel and can never be classed as
helpful. At the time we may enjoy spreading some rumour or other, but just
think how you would feel if people were saying the same things about you.
Gossip
is both harmful and a waste of time. I do believe that social networking sites,
such as Twitter and Facebook, encourage such unhelpful and wasteful gossip. I
am not saying these sites are not of any use—I use them every day—but they can
be used wrongly and end up ruining someone’s reputation or career.
So,
the antidote to these four unhelpful ways of talking are: speak only truthful
words, words that spread harmony and not discord, words that are kind and
compassionate, words that help and not harm others.
I
understand that this isn’t always possible, so let’s look at some examples. If
a seriously ill person asked you if they are going to die and by telling them
the truth you would be making matters worse, it is better to lie to them and
allow them to have some peace. Maybe one of your friends has gotten in with the
wrong crowd, so you decide to speak divisively and try to break up the group.
Your young child is about to put their hand into a fire and out of compassion
you speak harshly to stop them. A work colleague is having a rough time and is
finding it hard to open up, so you indulge in idle chatter to win their trust,
so they can finally feel comfortable to talk about their problems.
All
these examples show that appropriate communication isn’t always black and
white. I think as a rule of thumb, we should ensure that if we do lie, are
divisive, talk harshly or gossip it is for the benefit of others and not just
for our own selfish gain.
The
final word I will give to Buddha, he said this is appropriate communication:
‘It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken
in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken
with a mind of goodwill’.
Action
Appropriate
action traditionally covers those actions we should refrain from. We are
advised to avoid violent acts, to refrain from taking what has not been given,
to limit our consumption of intoxicants and to refrain from causing harm
through sexual activity. However, I believe the concept of appropriate action
should cover all the actions we undertake in our lives. The more we can bring
mindfulness to our everyday actions the more our life improves and the impact
our life has on others will also grow.
Violent
Acts
This
doesn’t just cover violence towards humans; it also covers animals, big or
small. I should make it clear here that I am talking about intentional and/or unnecessary acts of
violence, which include killing as well as physically harming. We have to
understand that all beings have the equal right to live and be free from
suffering, so that is why we have to refrain from doing them any intentional
harm.
It is
very difficult to go through life without unintentionally killing or harming
things. When we wash vegetables, we are more than likely killing small insects,
but this is not our intention. Our intention is to prepare the vegetables for
eating, so this is not what I am talking about here. Having said that, we
should check the vegetables beforehand to ensure there are no insects on them.
Once
you get into the habit of killing, it is very hard to break that habit. You may
see a mosquito on your arm and squash it. You do the same the next time a
mosquito lands on you and the time after that. Eventually you do not even have
to look; you just automatically squash it. This is when the act of killing has
become a habit.
The
way to prevent ourselves from killing/harming is to understand that all beings
are the same as us. They want to be happy and not suffer. So, if we know this,
a feeling of compassion will rise in us and it will become much harder to
kill/harm.
Taking
what has not been given
If we
take something that has not been given or belongs to someone else, this is
stealing, no matter how big or small the item is.
The
first time we steal we may feel guilty and scared of being caught. However, the
more you steal the less guilty and scared you are. In the end you steal just
because you can and not because you need to. This is when stealing has become a
habit.
In Buddhism, we
talk about five factors relating to taking what has not been freely given and
they are: someone else’s belongings, the awareness that they are someone
else’s, the thought of theft, the action of carrying it out, the taking away as
a result of it. All five factors have to be in play for a theft to take place.
We
don’t like people stealing from us, so we should refrain from stealing from
them. Once we get the reputation of being a thief, it will be very hard for
people to trust us. So, by stealing we are hurting both ourselves and others.
Sexual
misconduct
This
is causing harm to someone by the use of the sexual act, such as rape, sex with
someone underage or sex with a married person—here the victim being the
person’s partner. If we physically, emotionally or mentally force someone into
sex, this is causing him or her harm and must be refrained from. There are many
people today still carrying the scars of sexual misconduct. So, this precept
should not be taken lightly.
It is important to keep in mind
that Buddha taught the precept on sexual misconduct to help us refrain from
harming someone through the sexual act. He did not teach it to be moralistic or
make people feel guilty for their sexual orientation.
Livelihood
This
is an important aspect of the path and one we probably do not give a lot of
thought to. We should aim to engage in compassionate activity and earn our
living in a way that does not cause harm and is ethically positive. Most
of us spend a large part of our waking hours at work, so it’s important to
assess how our work affects us and those around us. We need to work to earn
money, without money we cannot survive, this is an unavoidable fact of life.
But have you ever stopped to think whether your work is helping or harming?
Come to think about it, have you ever stopped to think what is an ethically
appropriate livelihood at all?
Do
you have an appropriate livelihood? It may not be as black and white as you
first think. You may sell guns to the army to keep the country safe, but those
guns could fall into the hands of a terrorist and be used to kill innocent
people. You may make cars, so people can get around, but one of those cars may
be involved in an accident and someone is killed. You may make rope and it is
used by someone to commit suicide. I know I have given extreme examples here,
but I just want to get you thinking about the consequences of your livelihood.
It
would be impossible to examine all the possible effects our work has in the
world, but we should certainly contemplate whether we are causing harm in any
obvious or direct ways, to humans, to animals, and to the planet.
I
recently met a young biologist and he had a dilemma. He had just graduated and
was looking for work, but every job he applied for required testing on animals.
He said he just couldn’t bring himself to kill animals, even if it meant he
might discover a new way to help humans. Our choices are not always clear cut,
we need to think very carefully about what path we decide to take. We should
consider the consequences, to ourselves and to others, of any choice we make.
I
fully understand that we need to work to earn money and sometimes we have to do
the jobs we find unpalatable. So, I am not being judgemental here. I am just
pointing out that we have to be mindful of our livelihoods, and reiterating the
fact that actions have consequences.
Pause here for a moment and give your livelihood some thought.
Is it ethical?
Am I forced to do things that go against my redlines?
Do I fully understand the consequences of my livelihood?
Living
responsibly highlights the importance of acting in an appropriate way
physically, verbally and psychologically. If we don’t, we can often
inadvertently cause conflict and bitterness amongst the people we come into
contact with. We must integrate this part of the path into our daily lives and
be constantly mindful of the actions we are carrying out.
The
key point about living responsibly is to have integrity. I find that the best
way for my actions to remain skilful is to keep the view of cause and
consequences in the forefront of my mind. Whenever a thought arises, I try to
gauge whether it will be helpful or harmful and what the consequences are going
to be. This is no easy task and requires us to be mindful of our thoughts.
When
we are being mindful it gives us the space to think before we act. An alert
mind has the opportunity to override unhelpful or destructive thoughts. It
brings awareness into whatever we are intending to do. This is how we can
ensure our actions are appropriate and skilful.
This ends the ‘living responsibly’ aspect of the eightfold path.
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In the first noble truth Buddha explained that there is suffering running through our lives from birth through to death. In the second truth he told us about some of the causes of this suffering, namely the three poisons. In the fourth truth, he explained what path we can take to start the process of destroying the three poisons. This path is known as the eight-fold path.
This is how Buddha described the eight-fold path:
‘And what, monks, is the noble truth of the path of practice leading to the cessation of desire? Just this very eight-fold path: appropriate view, appropriate intention, appropriate speech, appropriate action, appropriate livelihood, appropriate effort, appropriate mindfulness and appropriate concentration.’
This path is not a religious path and doesn’t require rituals, prayers, ceremonies, or even for you to become a Buddhist. It can be looked upon
as a path that leads
to us living a responsible life and so anybody can practise
it. So, it isn’t a Buddhist practice, it is more of a lifestyle practice.
The eightfold path comprises of three aspects and I will take each aspect
individually and explore the appropriate ways to approach the path. The first aspect is seeing clearly, which includes
view and intention.
View
So,
let’s start by looking at the view? The view refers to the understanding that
we cause most of our emotional suffering ourselves, the understanding that
everything is impermanent and the understanding that things happen due to
causes, which in turn lead to consequences. Here I will concentrate on the
understanding of cause and effect.
So, what do we
need to understand about cause and effect? It is important to understand that
our actions of body, speech and mind have consequences. You may think that, ‘I
understand that actions of body and speech have consequences, but how can our
thoughts?’ Before we do any action, it starts off as a thought – first we think
and then we act. This thought can be conscious or unconscious, but it is there
before any action. So, it is important to realise that our thoughts also have
consequences.
Whatever we do
and say will become a cause for our future conditions. I am not talking about
future lives here; I am talking about this life. We are the architects of our
future. This is how we should be thinking. We should not be thinking that our
lives are conditioned by some system of reward and punishment meted out by an
outside force. This way of thinking is just shirking our responsibilities. Of
course, it is easier to blame someone else for our problems, we love doing
that, but this will not help us bring about a change for the better in our
lives.
Put
simplistically, if we act in a kind, caring, helpful and compassionate way, we
will be helping to build a good future for ourselves. This is not some
metaphysical law; I am just stating the way life is. If we act in a bad way by
not caring for others, stealing, lying, cheating, killing and generally acting
in a harmful way, people are not going to want to be associated with us or help
us when we need it. This is the way of the world. Also, if we are a kind and
caring person our conscience will be clear, and this will also reduce our
emotional suffering and certainly help us during our meditation and mindful
awareness practices.
There is no
scientific evidence for this, but just look at your own experiences and I am
sure you will see that your actions have consequences. If you kill someone you
will be caught and sent to prison or put to death. However, if you are not
caught, you will have to carry the torment, anguish and guilt around with you
for the rest of your life, fearful every time the doorbell rings. Either way
there are consequences for your act of killing.
Having said that,
I am not suggesting that if we act in a good way the whole of our life is going
to be rosy. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen, but it will reduce the
chances of bad things happening. It will also put us in a better frame of mind
to be able to cope with these unfavourable situations when they arise.
We don’t live in
a bubble, so the actions of others are also going to affect us. Other people’s
causes and effects overlap our causes and effects until there is a huge web of
interconnected causes and effects. So, we have to remember that when something
unpleasant befalls us it is the result of a large number of causes. This will
stop us adding anger and frustration to an already difficult situation. It will
also prevent us from struggling with something that is beyond our control. This
will at the very least reduce some of our emotional suffering.
When we have the
appropriate view regarding cause and effect,
it encourages us to live an honourable life. This is a life where we take
responsibility for our actions.
Some people find
it hard to get to grips with cause and effect, so I suggest you sit quietly and
reflect on it. That way, you will understand that things can only come into
existence due to a cause or causes and not randomly or magically. Every cause
will ultimately have an effect. So, all of our actions of body, speech and mind
are going to have consequences. This should encourage us to act in a skilful
way.
Intention
The next element
of the path is intention. What I am talking about here is your motivation and
conditioning, as it is these forces that move us into doing actions with our
bodies, speech or minds.
This
element is divided into three sections and Buddha explained it this way:
‘And what, monks, is appropriate intention? intentions of letting go, Intentions of freedom from ill will, intentions of harmlessness. This, monks, is called appropriate intention.’
Letting go
The first section
is sometimes talked about as renunciation, giving something up, rejecting or
abandoning, but I think a better way to describe this is the act of letting go.
What we are trying to let go of is attachment to, or craving for, sensual
objects.
I personally
believe renunciation is never going to work. The more we try to renounce
something, the more we get ourselves entangled in it. If you are fighting
something, you are giving it power. So, in that way, for me, renunciation will
not work. This is why I say let it go, because by doing that you are giving it
no power and it will begin to disappear on its own. What I mean by letting
things go is that we don’t get ourselves ensnared by over thinking, judging,
comparing or criticising, we don’t engage the desire, we allow it to arise, we
acknowledge it, let it pass and we move on. Of course, that is easier said than
done but this is where our mindfulness practices help a lot. If we are present
with our thoughts, we will catch the desire as it arises. This gives us the
opportunity to follow the desire or let it go.
Clinging to
desires is one of the origins of our emotional suffering, but when we try to
let things go, a strong feeling inside stops us from succeeding. This happens
because we are so attached to our desires. It is never easy to suddenly just
let them go, but it certainly is not impossible.
If we believe
sensual objects are going to give us true happiness, we will start clinging to
them and this will in turn shape our thoughts and actions. We will become
attached and our emotional suffering will begin.
It takes time to
change our perceptions and it is not going to be easy. We have to slowly start
chipping away at our clinging attachment to sensual objects, whether it is to
people or belongings. Step by step we reduce their hold on us.
How do we let our
clinging desires go? There are several ways, but I believe the best one is to
contemplate impermanence. By doing
thisyou begin to realise the
impermanence of things, you understand that everything is temporary and there
is nothing solid to get attached to. So, when a clinging desire arises you do
not have to hold on to it, you can let it go. Just keep reminding yourself
that, ‘This is temporary and will pass.’
Freedom from ill-will
This is when we
do not have any thoughts of causing others harm.
Ill-will stems
from clinging to our ego and can arise when we are unhappy with someone,
jealous, have too much pride, anger, have an aversion towards someone and so
on. For example, when someone, such as our friend, partner or family member has
hurt us, and we start wishing bad things to happen to them. Ill-will is often
an emotional reaction. It doesn’t necessarily follow that we will act upon our
ill-will, but as our actions are driven by our thoughts, the potential is
always there to do so.
The best way to
liberate ourselves from ill-will is to foster the thought that other people,
just like us, are fighting against the physical and emotional suffering running
through their lives. They also want to be free of this emotional suffering and
want only peace of mind. If we think like this, it will cause goodwill to arise
within us. So, caring for others’ feelings and showing them genuine warmth
replaces ill-will with a sense of compassion and kindness.
Now when I talk
about caring for others, I am not talking about sympathy or pity, but real
empathy. This is when we put ourselves in other people’s shoes and truly
understand that they wish to be treated kindly and with warmth. They too are
struggling to make sense of their lives.
These days, we
tend to ration our kindness to people we are friendly with. This way of acting
can be selfish and goes part of the way to explain why there is so much
ill-will in the world today. You need look no further than the vile comments
people post on social media or how some politicians talk about each other to
see an all too common manifestation of ill-will.
So, how do we go
beyond ill-will and build a feeling of goodwill towards others? One way is to
do the following practice, which is a reflection on kindness and is split into
three parts, which embraces three types of people we encounter in life: those
we are friendly with, those we are not friendly with and the biggest group by
far, those we do not care about one way or another. The point of this practice
is to open our minds and build friendliness towards all three types of people.
Start by sitting comfortably and lightly
closing your eyes. Focus your awareness on the breath flowing in and out of
your nose. Don’t change the breath in any way, just let it flow naturally.
Now, start reflecting on your friends. This is
the easiest way to begin because you already have a certain amount of warmth
towards them. Think of a close friend and start to reflect on their positive
qualities and their acts of kindness. A note of caution here: try not to use
someone you are sexually attracted to because kindness could quite easily turn
into lust. It is also recommended that you do not use the same person each time
or else you may get attached to them.
By reflecting on your friend’s good qualities
and kindness, positive feelings will arise. Once this has occurred, you should
move away from reflecting on your friend and concentrate on your feelings that
have arisen. These feelings should be your primary focus. They should be
feelings of warmth and empathy. Spend some time being aware of this warmth and
see how happy and peaceful it makes you feel.
Keeping the above feelings in mind, move on to
the next type of person, someone you dislike. Picture this person in your mind
and examine him or her closely. See the person’s pain, suffering, loneliness
and insecurity. See that all he or she really wants is to have a peaceful mind.
Now start to radiate the same feelings you had for your friend towards the
person you dislike. Project all the respect, warmth and kindness that you can
muster.
Finally, picture a person you pass by everyday
but do not care about one way or another. Again, feel this person’s pain and
see how all he or she is looking for is peace of mind. Radiate your warmth and
kindness towards this person and imagine how that makes him or her feel, and in
turn, how you feel.
This is a simple
way of cultivating respect and warmth for everybody, regardless of whether you
know them or not, whether you like them or not. Remember, though, that this is
not a reflective exercise that you do only in the privacy of your home. It
should be applied to your daily life so that you cultivate a friendly and open
attitude towards everyone without discrimination. That of course includes
yourself, so if you are feeling a bit low or your self-compassion needs a
boost, you can start this practice by radiating warmth and kindness towards
yourself.
Harmlessness
You should now
have started to have feelings of goodwill towards others. These feelings should
move you towards actions that are not harmful. Remember, our mind controls our
actions, so feelings of goodwill should lead to more skilful actions.
Everybody wishes
to be free of emotional suffering but are often gripped by discontentment,
anguish, unease, dissatisfaction and other kinds of suffering. People have
their own private suffering, but we should understand that we also play a part
in that suffering by not showing compassion for them, by not caring for their
well-being and by not seeing that, they, like us are trying to free themselves
from all forms of suffering and have peace of mind.
There are various
reflections that you can practice that will help you start developing
compassion for others.
Do these
reflections on the three types of people mentioned in the goodwill section.
However, this time choose people who you know are suffering, and radiate
compassion towards them.
Again, start your reflection on a friend who
you know is going through a rough time. Reflect on that person’s suffering
directly and then reflect on how, like yourself, your friend wants to be free
from pain. You should continue this reflection until a strong feeling of
compassion arises within you.
Remember, compassion is not pity or sympathy,
but is a form of empathy. Pity and sympathy stem from our own emotions, which
are not stable or reliable. Whereas empathy is where you put yourself into
another person’s shoes and feel what they are feeling. The beauty of this is
that you are not projecting your thoughts and prejudices but are actually seeing
things from another person’s point of view.
Once you start experiencing a strong feeling
of compassion for your friend, hold onto it and use it as a standard for the
same practice we will now do as we reflect on the two other types of people.
Think of a person you know who is suffering,
but whom you dislike, and then reflect on their suffering. See the world
through their eyes, try and understand what they are going through. Try to
genuinely feel their pain and suffering. Once you have achieved this, start
radiating the powerful feeling of compassion you felt before.
When you feel such strong compassion for a
person, it is difficult to dislike them anymore because you now understand that
they feel suffering, just like you.
Next, think of a person you really have no
feelings for one way or another. Start reflecting on how they also have causes
for pain, sorrow, anguish and dissatisfaction. Again, once you have truly felt
their pain, start radiating compassion towards them. This exercise helps you
realise that we are all prone to suffer in the same way, and there really are
no strangers in this world.
By doing these
reflections, you will slowly be able to open your mind and expand your
compassion towards more people in your world. You will start to see that all of
us are the same. By doing this reflection you are not necessarily going to be
able to directly ease another’s suffering, but you are going to be more open to
doing so, as your compassion for them grows.
This ends the ‘seeing clearly’ aspect of the eightfold path.
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