Four Immeasurables: Kind-Heartedness – The Buddha Dharma Series

The second of the four immeasurables is kind-heartedness. This is not about how we feel, but about how we relate to these feelings. It invites us to drop our habitual patterns of reactivity and to free ourselves from emotional habits which serve neither ourselves nor anyone else.

Sometimes our goodwill only covers people that are useful, pleasing or amusing to us. This is not how we should divide groups of people; we have to see people through the eyes of kindness. We must open our hearts to everyone, and that includes the people who make us angry, politicians from a party we disagree with, religious leaders that have different beliefs than ours, people who act and dress differently than us, and those who just have the knack of rubbing us up the wrong way. All of these people deserve our kindness, and so we have to train ourselves to think kind, helpful and positive thoughts about them.

If we just watch our thoughts for a few hours, it becomes quite apparent that this isn’t how we usually think. Not every thought radiates kindness to others, so how can we cultivate kind-heartedness? A great place to start is by doing the following meditation on a regular basis.

Kind-heartedness Meditation

I want you to think of a person you care about. Feel gratitude and kindness for this person. Just sit with these feelings for a moment

Now I want you to repeat the following phrases to the person you care about and when you are repeating remember to really engage with the meaning of the words:

May you be kind-hearted to yourself and others x 3

May you be safe and secure x 3

May you have a peaceful mind x 3

Now sit for a moment with feelings of warmth and kindness for this person

Now think of a neutral person in your life. Someone you neither class as a friend or you dislike. Bring feelings of kindness and warmth into your heart for this person. Just sit with these feelings for a moment

Now I want you to repeat these phrases to the neutral person and really engage with the meaning of the words:

May you be kind-hearted to yourself and others x 3

May you be safe and secure x 3

May you have a peaceful mind x 3

Now sit with feelings of warmth and kindness for this person

Now think of a person you are having difficulties with at the moment. Try to feel kindness towards this person. Remember, they are just like you – they do not want to suffer, they what to be peaceful and secure. Just sit with these feelings for a moment

Now I want you to repeat these phrases to the person you are having difficulty with and really engage with the meaning of the words:

May you be kind-hearted to yourself and others x 3

May you be safe and secure x 3

May you have a peaceful mind x 3

Now sit with feelings of warmth and kindness for this person and just put your difficulties to one side for a moment

Now, slowly open your eyes and just sit there a moment experiencing the warmth of kindheartedness.

Here is a practice to use in your day-to-day life. I find the best antidote to judging someone, when we are not on our meditation cushion, is to have a set phrase that resonates with you, something like, ‘May my mind be at ease, may you be happy, may everyone be free from suffering’. This phrase can be used when you feel negative and unhelpful thoughts rising in you.

The next time you start to judge someone, mentally recite your phrase and your judgement will start to dissolve. Remember, we all have to co-exist on this planet and we all want to be happy, so the best way to end our judgemental thoughts is to wish kindness to everyone.

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