Respect

Some people think to show respect to their spiritual teacher they have to bow down to them, treat them as higher beings, shower them with gifts and blindly follow every word they say. I do not think this sycophantic way of acting is giving respect. If you truly want to respect your spiritual teacher then listen to their teachings, ask questions to clear up any doubt, meditate on the teaching and then, finally, put what they have taught into practice. Now what better way to respect anyone?

If your spiritual teacher has a title or calls himself a higher beings, I would suggest you check him out very carefully. In the Anguttara Nikaya Gautama Buddha stated five qualities to look for in a spiritual teacher:

“The Dhamma should be taught with the thought, ‘I will speak step-by-step’… ‘I will speak explaining the sequence’… ‘I will speak out of compassion’… ‘I will speak not for the purpose of material reward’…’I will speak without disparaging myself or others.’

Does your spiritual teacher have these five qualities? It is up to you to check. Does his actions match his words? Does his students actions match his teachings?

There are some wonderful spiritual teachers out there, but you have to look very carefully to find them.

Shattered Dreams

When I was introduced to Buddhism I had already decided Christianity wasn’t for me. I didn’t believe in an all powerful, creator god. I didn’t like dogma or the prayers and ritual practices. So when I was told Buddha wasn’t a god, we don’t have to pray to him and Buddhism was an inside journey, so there was no need for ceremonies and rituals. That sounded just what I was looking for.

When I moved to India and became a Buddhist monk, I found out that Eastern Buddhists do pray to Buddha and have some extremely elaborate ceremonies and rituals. As for dogma, Tibetan Buddhism has as much dogma as the Catholic church. Still, this didn’t matter to me, as I concentrated on studying and doing a personal practice, which included meditation.

What has shattered my dreams is that Buddhists are no different from anyone else. In my teachings I was told about how compassionate Buddhists are. How they care for all sentient beings and look upon everyone as their mother. I bought into that and had an unrealistic view of Buddhists.

This view has changed into a more realistic one recently. This is due to many Buddhist teachers sexually abusing their students, Buddhists in Burma trying to inflict genocide on the Muslim community and now, three Buddhist monks in India have been arrested for gang raping a 14 year old girl. Talk about being slapped across the face with a wet fish – that is exactly how my shot of reality felt.

None of this shakes my resolve to follow Buddha’s path, which I still believe will help reduce the suffering of anyone who follows it. What it does do is make me check the teachings against my experience. That is an invaluable lesson to learn.

Attachment Isn’t Love

Buddha stated attachment to loved ones and materiel things are causing us to suffer. When some people hear this they say things like, ‘so I can’t love my family, friends or children?’ This is because they are getting attachment and love confused. They are not the same thing.

Of course we should love, and have compassion for, our families and friends, in fact we should love and have compassion for everyone. But what we shouldn’t do is hold onto them as though they belong to us and they are permanent. It is this holding onto things tightly that is causing us to suffer.

We think this person or thing is mine and I will always have it. So when it dies, leaves us or stops working we are not mentally prepared for it and we invariably suffer. This is attachment.

If we understand that things change and nothing lasts forever, we will love without attachment, and in my eyes that is true love. Enjoy the people around you and the things you have at the moment, but keep in mind that someday they will not be there. This is love.

Two Sides To An Arguement

Someone wrote to me the other day and told me in no uncertain terms that ‘I was wrong!’ This got me thinking. There are usually two sides to an argument, but it doesn’t always mean that one person is right and the other wrong. It can actually come down to the way we perceive the world around us. We are conditioned from the cradle to the grave. Our parents, friends, family, teachers, society, the papers we read and the TV programmes we watch all condition us – even if we are not aware at the time. This conditioning moulds us into who we are. That doesn’t mean we cannot change, because through meditation we can. So next time you are about to tell someone there wrong, stop and think for a moment, as it may be that the other person is see the situation differently.

Happiness

‘To expect happiness without giving up negative action is like holding your hand in a fire and hoping not to be burned. Of course, no one actually wants to suffer, to be sick, to be cold or hungry — but as long as we continue to indulge in wrong doing we will never put an end to suffering. Likewise, we will never achieve happiness, except through positive deeds, words, and thoughts. Positive action is something we have to cultivate ourselves; it can be neither bought nor stolen, and no one ever stumbles on it just by chance.’

This was written by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche and I believe the best way to obtain true and lasting happiness, and not material happiness, is to follow the Eightfold Path as taught by Buddha. I do not mean understanding the path intellectually or chanting it each day. I mean to make it part of your life, your very being. This way all your actions of body speech and mind will be positive and your life will be truly happy.